I have recently realized that I was more broken than I thought. I say was because in going on this “sojourn” (solo journey), I am no longer claiming brokenness. Nevertheless, I knew that I had to do something to get back to loving me.
Your relationship with yourself is just as much work as any other relationship. It does not just happen by nature and does not come effortlessly. So I made the decision to take my first road trip alone and drove to the beach this past weekend and boy was it liberating. Although it wasn’t action packed, it made me feel like I can go out to eat alone and other activities. I recently read the title of another blog titled “Self-Love Sunday” and I love this idea! I made a vow to take myself out on a date every month, at least once. Spending time with yourself can be very freeing and empowering.
Another way that I decided to boost my self-love was that I began doing my makeup daily. Most people think it’s crazy or unnecessary because my job is just an office job. But what job “constitutes” makeup. It’s not about where I work or what I do… it’s about how I feel when I wear makeup. I also pay attention to how I’m dressing when I leave the house. This was just important for me because when you look good, you feel good. I’m also debating changing my natural hair but that’s a topic for another day.
My point is that I had to let go of all the dead weight holding me down. All the excuses and other people’s reasonings for why I shouldn’t do certain things. I am mine before I am ever anyone else’s. I must act like it. Release all insecurities and let go of all anger. I have to forgive and then free myself and that’s where I’m at now in life. So here’s to my sojourn. 🖤
Has your heart ever been in aching pain?
Pain that flows throughout
Has it ever ached for another heart?
Because all you want
Is for the two
To form so tightly together
That nothing can break them apart
But someone’s heart is fighting it
And you’re left with that ache…
They say, in order to reach new levels, you have to try new things. And since all of my efforts have failed thus far.. I’m going to try something new:
The 21 Day Attitude Fix.
Now it’s not that I can’t acknowledge my attitude pops up, as a defense mostly. But nevertheless, it’s an automatic reaction at times. One that affects those around me, so much so that they do not want to be around me. So that’s the main indicator for a change. I mean no harm or unkindness by it or towards anyone but the reality is, it hurts people. And I do not want to lose anyone or push them away. It only does me more harm to hold on to it.
Pray. Release. Heal.
Why is it that the unknown makes us so afraid to keep moving forward? Why is it that we would rather stay in our comfort zone, painful as it may be? It is harder to make a change because we don’t know what that change will bring about. We, as people, need reassuring that we are headed in the right direction. That we are making the right decisions. But we really don’t know, until we know. You won’t know if that relationship will work out, until you go through it. You won’t know if you chose the right career path, until you work in it.
The good thing about life is that, no matter what choices we make, we can always choose a different path. As long as there is still life inside of you, you can change directions. You can heal. You can let go of the past, because you can’t go back that way anyways. And the amount of freedom that comes with moving forward, is far better than that painful, comfortable place. When your heart is aching so badly, that you can’t figure out what’s next… you have to move. You have to decide for yourself what’s next. And guess what, if you’re not happy there, keep going to the next place. No one is holding you back, except for you.
We as women have a problem called comparison. Another one called self-confidence. We have battled with self-love and trying to figure out where we fit in the world. Your story is yours alone, no one else can write it but you and God. You cannot walk someone else’s path, your steps have already been ordered. You cannot live over there. You have to be hungry for another life. Don’t be the person to hold yourself back; sometimes you have to battle your own mind. Get out of your own way. You cannot worry about what others are doing and let fear of who might be better than you stop you from fighting for your dreams. You won’t know what your capable of until you do something! Stop thinking and start moving.
Ever feel like you lose a lot of friends, like God just removes people from your life all the time? Not in a death sense, but one Day you’re friends and then one day you’re not. Nothing major happens, but you seemingly grow apart. Last year, I had what I thought was a close friend and then one day we just weren’t anymore. More recently the same thing happened again. I believe that God placed these people in my life for the season that I was in at the time, when I needed them.
When you meet someone, can you automatically tell if they are seasonal or lifetime? What does that look like? Most of my lifetime friends are people who I have known since childhood. One of them, I met after college but I could never see us just not being friends. But when I met all of them, I did not know if they were seasonal or not. I truly did not even think about. I just offered a genuine friendship and for some people, it stuck. For others, well I don’t know, maybe we just aren’t for each other. No love lost though.
I can say from personal experience, I do seem to have more results when I go to the gym versus when I do home workouts. But I wonder why. I could partly say due to lack of consistency at home. But bigger than that, how is it, if I do the same exercises at home and the gym that I seem to get better results at the gym. Maybe I’m pushing myself more at the gym. Maybe it’s easier to just “stop” or half-ass it at home.
There is a huge convenience factor with working out at home. No waiting to use equipment, no wondering if others are watching, no distractions or intimidation from other people. But there are still distractions at home and it takes a strong willpower to be able to push past distractions at home. It’s a bit more difficult to just sit around being lazy in the gym. The environment just not provide that opportunity.
You ever feel like you’ve tried it all? Diets, fads and all sorts of different things. And then one day, someone says “Just go back to the gym”… pushing you to change your perspective. I used to be so gym faithful and I know that it worked for me. So we will see.. I clearly don’t have it all figured out, but I won’t stop.