The Storm

The Storm

So you lost yourself in him

And he’s gone.

Leaving you just lost in the world

Hopelessly trying to hold on.

It seems easier than the alternative

Moving on.

You’re dodging your emotions

Hoping they will pass.

But when there’s only silence left

It comes in like a hurricane

Destroying anything in its path.

Causing a storm of tears

That nearly drown you.

You thought you could keep running

And the pain still found you.

Where do you go from here?

You can’t let him steal all that’s left.

You won’t have any pieces to rebuild.

Grab hold of something,

You’ll need that to heal.

Yeah, you lost yourself in him

There’s no shame in that.

But if you don’t start moving forward

You’ll find yourself straying back.

Then you’ll hate yourself for loving him

And loathe yourself for wanting him

Disappoint yourself for needing him

Even if it’s just for a minute.

It’s time to take the next step

Stop lingering in the middle.

He’s long gone

Don’t let him take you with him.

-JIF

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Why is Breaking Up Hard to Do?

Why is Breaking Up Hard to Do?

It has been a while since I have written a post and I’m going to share what I’ve been going through. I recently ended a 4 year relationship and it was the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do. After 4 years, we found ourselves at a place where we were growing in different directions. I want marriage, children and all of that jazz. He is just realizing that he needs to get himself together in so many ways. And unfortunately, we both decided that we were just too different.

And then…. I came to find out he had been cheating on me for several months. Here I was, giving all of myself to this relationship. Killing myself to “correct” everything that he told me was wrong with me. I lost my own identity over a man who had no respect for me. I came to the hard realization that he was never going to marry me.

So now I’m here, left to pick up the pieces of my life. Still lost and trying to rediscover who I am. I don’t plan to go back to who I was before him because I can say that I’ve grown in many ways over the 4 years. I feel like I’m starting fresh with getting to know myself again and building that self-love. Let me tell you, if you have never lost yourself in a relationship, it is extremely heart-breaking. Especially when you were with a person who fed doubt, negative thoughts and defeat into your spirit for years. You have to come out on the other side and not only decide that’s not who you are, but discover the truth about you through God.

I used to not know if it was the act of breaking up, or the feeling of losing something that was so hard. For me, it’s all of it. The breakup itself, letting go of all that I knew, forgiving myself for allowing such toxins into my spirit, forgiving him and continuing to move forward. I can’t imagine how many other women have this story and are too afraid to share. Here is my truth and I am living in it, daily, just putting one foot in front of the other. 🖤

– JIF

Finding My Way Back To Me

Finding My Way Back To Me

I have recently realized that I was more broken than I thought. I say was because in going on this “sojourn” (solo journey), I am no longer claiming brokenness. Nevertheless, I knew that I had to do something to get back to loving me.

Your relationship with yourself is just as much work as any other relationship. It does not just happen by nature and does not come effortlessly. So I made the decision to take my first road trip alone and drove to the beach this past weekend and boy was it liberating. Although it wasn’t action packed, it made me feel like I can go out to eat alone and other activities. I recently read the title of another blog titled “Self-Love Sunday” and I love this idea! I made a vow to take myself out on a date every month, at least once. Spending time with yourself can be very freeing and empowering.

Another way that I decided to boost my self-love was that I began doing my makeup daily. Most people think it’s crazy or unnecessary because my job is just an office job. But what job “constitutes” makeup. It’s not about where I work or what I do… it’s about how I feel when I wear makeup. I also pay attention to how I’m dressing when I leave the house. This was just important for me because when you look good, you feel good. I’m also debating changing my natural hair but that’s a topic for another day.

My point is that I had to let go of all the dead weight holding me down. All the excuses and other people’s reasonings for why I shouldn’t do certain things. I am mine before I am ever anyone else’s. I must act like it. Release all insecurities and let go of all anger. I have to forgive and then free myself and that’s where I’m at now in life. So here’s to my sojourn. 🖤

-JIF

Aching

Aching

Has your heart ever been in aching pain?

Pain that flows throughout

Has it ever ached for another heart?

Because all you want

Is for the two

To form so tightly together

That nothing can break them apart

But someone’s heart is fighting it

And you’re left with that ache…

– J.I.F.

Just Try

Just Try

They say, in order to reach new levels, you have to try new things. And since all of my efforts have failed thus far.. I’m going to try something new:

The 21 Day Attitude Fix.

Now it’s not that I can’t acknowledge my attitude pops up, as a defense mostly. But nevertheless, it’s an automatic reaction at times. One that affects those around me, so much so that they do not want to be around me. So that’s the main indicator for a change. I mean no harm or unkindness by it or towards anyone but the reality is, it hurts people. And I do not want to lose anyone or push them away. It only does me more harm to hold on to it.

Pray. Release. Heal.

-JIF

The Unknown

The Unknown

Why is it that the unknown makes us so afraid to keep moving forward? Why is it that we would rather stay in our comfort zone, painful as it may be? It is harder to make a change because we don’t know what that change will bring about. We, as people, need reassuring that we are headed in the right direction. That we are making the right decisions. But we really don’t know, until we know. You won’t know if that relationship will work out, until you go through it. You won’t know if you chose the right career path, until you work in it.

The good thing about life is that, no matter what choices we make, we can always choose a different path. As long as there is still life inside of you, you can change directions. You can heal. You can let go of the past, because you can’t go back that way anyways. And the amount of freedom that comes with moving forward, is far better than that painful, comfortable place. When your heart is aching so badly, that you can’t figure out what’s next… you have to move. You have to decide for yourself what’s next. And guess what, if you’re not happy there, keep going to the next place. No one is holding you back, except for you.

– JIF

Death to Comparison

Death to Comparison

We as women have a problem called comparison. Another one called self-confidence. We have battled with self-love and trying to figure out where we fit in the world. Your story is yours alone, no one else can write it but you and God. You cannot walk someone else’s path, your steps have already been ordered. You cannot live over there. You have to be hungry for another life. Don’t be the person to hold yourself back; sometimes you have to battle your own mind. Get out of your own way. You cannot worry about what others are doing and let fear of who might be better than you stop you from fighting for your dreams. You won’t know what your capable of until you do something! Stop thinking and start moving.

-JIF