In-Tune with You

In-Tune with You

How in tune are you with yourself? Can you feel when things are unbalanced in your life or just downright off?

I feel it. I feel how off things are with me. I have been holding on to past conversations with friends and my s.o. I have been holding on to past decisions that I have made. I have been holding on to past feelings. I don't know why I've always had such a hard time when it comes to forgiving myself. And it's not that I feel like I am just this awful person, but I know I have said and done things I shouldn't have. I also know, I can't go backwards and change any of that.

If I step out of myself and look at my life, I really should not have any complaints. I should be more grateful than anything; I have a beautiful house, a working/ paid for car, a good job, health, a good relationship, and the list goes on. I don't need for anything, but I think lately I've been clouded with my wants. My desires. Weight loss, marriage, a family, a better job/career… this list probably goes on too.

I realize that I really need to tap into myself more. Not what I am lacking, but rather all of the blessings that I do have. Count my blessings. I need to be less concerned about what everyone else around me is doing, whether it be at work, at home or on social media. Social media in it of itself is a sore spot for me. It bothers me so much more than it should… I have to start to fade that out. I let what others say and do bother me too much. I get annoyed or offended and I just get to a place where I feel like WHY do people not consider others. People are for themselves. Point blank period. And I need to be more for myself than others. I am mine before I am ever anyone else's.

-JIF

Timelines

I really battle with having set timelines, especially when another person is involved. Women always have pressure to be married by a certain time or have a baby by a certain age. Who says how long you are supposed to stay in a relationship before you get engaged/married. I think what makes it more difficult is when you see a variety around you; people getting engaged early on and then people waiting 5-10 years. Being in year 3, I just feel like I don’t know when to walk away or how much longer I’m supposed to be patient. 

When a man isn’t “ready” yet, how long does it take to get ready. That’s so difficult to just sit back and wait for him to become mentally or financially ready or whatever it is that’s giving him pause. As a woman, who wants nothing more than to have a family, waiting is the hardest thing that I have ever done. And now I just feel at a crossroads. How much longer?

-JIF