Insecure

Insecure

How did she get here

In this foreign place

In this lonely space

Unsure of herself

Questioning herself

Wondering if she was enough

Or if she cared too much

Better yet, if she was scared too much

Scared that she was in love alone

Scared of ending up alone

But she was already alone

Drowning in her own thoughts

Thinking the worst

Only made her feel worse

But she couldn’t shut her mind up

And she couldn’t talk about it

No one would get it

They just tried to feed her with clichés

Promises of “it’ll be okay”

Talking about “You are the prize”

And it all sounded like lies

She knew she was worthy

But knowing and feeling are two different things.

She was lost

And she knew exactly how she got here

Just not how to leave.

– JIF

Her

Her

I once knew this woman

She felt untouchable

And so she was

She exuded strength and beauty

She walked with such confidence

Smiled from her soul

She spoke with passion

From her sweet, melodic voice

She could turn heads, that one

Just from entering the room

She never begged for attention

And didn’t need approval

God’s light shined on her

With her spirit, she was so in-tuned

And I swear we shall meet again,

Someday really soon.

-JIF

Happiness

Happiness

Happiness surrounds me

It tries to live in me

But I think it loves others more

It’s visit them more often

I can see it

I can feel it sometimes

It’s in close reach

But fear keeps pushing it out

Doubt doesn’t want it here

There’s a constant battle within

A tug-of-war, if you will

Fear is strong, very strong

Doubt is even stronger

And the two just work hand-in-hand

But my spirit..

My spirit won’t let go

My spirit is chasing happiness

She’s chasing love

She’s chasing life

My spirit is a fighter

And she keeps me going

She keeps me going after the Happiness

That is surrounding me.

-JIF

Attitudes

I have come a long way and I am not defined by my “attitude.” I have worked hard on the transformations I have made in my life and having a positive energy. My attitude is never unwarranted; you cannot poke at me and expect me to still be roses. I’m not there yet. I can be mellow and it doesn’t mean I have an attitude. And I’m not saying that’s the best way to handle my frustrations or hurt feelings either. One thing I know, if you focus more on trying to pick out my attitude moments than everything else good about me, which do you think you’ll continue to see? I’m not perfect but I’m not a mean-spirited person. Nothing will keep me from continuing to be better. 💕

-JIF