Cheater

Cheater

When you look in the mirror

What do you see

If you’re being honest

You’ll say a cheater, hopefully

But I think that’s the part of you

That you won’t admit to

She’s thinking she hit the jackpot too

You’re pretending to be so in love

Showing her what she wants to see

Or maybe you’re pretending with me

Trying to make me believe

That there’s no one better for me

Or better than me

In your eyes, I’m all you see

Can you still tell the difference

Between the lies

And which one of us

Really holds your interest?

Can it be both in this instance?

It’s possible we both do something different

Make you feel things

That the other person isn’t

But you can’t have both

It won’t end well for us

Or for you

Don’t worry though

You won’t have to choose

I refuse to go down in history

As a cheater, with you.

– JIF

No Regrets

No Regrets

She knew better

She went her whole life being careful

She tried to plan this better

But somehow she ended up here

She was in such a state of bliss

It blinded her

She knew better

And still let him lie to her

This was something she couldn’t take back

It was too late

But she wanted it for so long

That part of it wasn’t a mistake

Even though she knew better

She was left with something greater

She decided that she would thank him later

Not for the games he played

Or his immature ways

Only for the blessing he gave.

-JIF

Life’s Pain

Life’s Pain

There was no way

They could ever be again

There was too much pain

Too much has changed

Too many chains

That linked them together

And then held them back

Life dealt their hands

No trading them in

So their souls would always yearn

Would always pull them back in

But there was no way

They could ever be again.

-JIF

The Storm

The Storm

So you lost yourself in him

And he’s gone.

Leaving you just lost in the world

Hopelessly trying to hold on.

It seems easier than the alternative

Moving on.

You’re dodging your emotions

Hoping they will pass.

But when there’s only silence left

It comes in like a hurricane

Destroying anything in its path.

Causing a storm of tears

That nearly drown you.

You thought you could keep running

And the pain still found you.

Where do you go from here?

You can’t let him steal all that’s left.

You won’t have any pieces to rebuild.

Grab hold of something,

You’ll need that to heal.

Yeah, you lost yourself in him

There’s no shame in that.

But if you don’t start moving forward

You’ll find yourself straying back.

Then you’ll hate yourself for loving him

And loathe yourself for wanting him

Disappoint yourself for needing him

Even if it’s just for a minute.

It’s time to take the next step

Stop lingering in the middle.

He’s long gone

Don’t let him take you with him.

-JIF

Aching

Aching

Has your heart ever been in aching pain?

Pain that flows throughout

Has it ever ached for another heart?

Because all you want

Is for the two

To form so tightly together

That nothing can break them apart

But someone’s heart is fighting it

And you’re left with that ache…

– J.I.F.

Insecure

Insecure

How did she get here

In this foreign place

In this lonely space

Unsure of herself

Questioning herself

Wondering if she was enough

Or if she cared too much

Better yet, if she was scared too much

Scared that she was in love alone

Scared of ending up alone

But she was already alone

Drowning in her own thoughts

Thinking the worst

Only made her feel worse

But she couldn’t shut her mind up

And she couldn’t talk about it

No one would get it

They just tried to feed her with clichés

Promises of “it’ll be okay”

Talking about “You are the prize”

And it all sounded like lies

She knew she was worthy

But knowing and feeling are two different things.

She was lost

And she knew exactly how she got here

Just not how to leave.

– JIF

Her

Her

I once knew this woman

She felt untouchable

And so she was

She exuded strength and beauty

She walked with such confidence

Smiled from her soul

She spoke with passion

From her sweet, melodic voice

She could turn heads, that one

Just from entering the room

She never begged for attention

And didn’t need approval

God’s light shined on her

With her spirit, she was so in-tuned

And I swear we shall meet again,

Someday really soon.

-JIF

Happiness

Happiness

Happiness surrounds me

It tries to live in me

But I think it loves others more

It’s visit them more often

I can see it

I can feel it sometimes

It’s in close reach

But fear keeps pushing it out

Doubt doesn’t want it here

There’s a constant battle within

A tug-of-war, if you will

Fear is strong, very strong

Doubt is even stronger

And the two just work hand-in-hand

But my spirit..

My spirit won’t let go

My spirit is chasing happiness

She’s chasing love

She’s chasing life

My spirit is a fighter

And she keeps me going

She keeps me going after the Happiness

That is surrounding me.

-JIF

Trust

Trust

Or lack thereof 

He betrayed my love

That’s a hard thing to recover from,

A shattered trust

Not just once 

And that’s when things became tough

Because I wanted to let go

Forgive, and move on

But my mind wouldn’t 

And my heart couldn’t

Not fully

And I wanted to so badly

To not think about the infidelity

To not think about the tears that fell from me

Or the fears that held onto me

Consuming every part of me

I wanted it all to just be gone from me

So that I could love him the way I needed to

The way my soul yearned to

After all that we had been through

I needed him to love me right too

To heal my wounds 

My heart, so bruised 

He had no clue

How deep my pain was

And why it was so hard to trust. 

-J.I.F

Silent Abuse

Silent Abuse

The change wasn’t sudden

It started slowly

Drifting away from friends

All because of him

He was in full control

And you had blinders on

At first it was just arguments

Mean words about how you were worthless

Cursing back and forth

Because you weren’t dealing with this

Until he began

To break you down

Leaving room for more abuse to come in

A “playful” hit here

And a “love” tap there

This is when he knew you weren’t going anywhere

He would play his hand well

One card at a time

Until one day you wake up with a black eye

Then filling your friends with a million lies

About how you would never stay in the abuse

Scared of how they might judge you

Scared nobody else would love you

But sadly you can’t see

That he’s buying your love,

Because your silence is not free.

-JIF