Has your heart ever been in aching pain?
Pain that flows throughout
Has it ever ached for another heart?
Because all you want
Is for the two
To form so tightly together
That nothing can break them apart
But someone’s heart is fighting it
And you’re left with that ache…
They say, in order to reach new levels, you have to try new things. And since all of my efforts have failed thus far.. I’m going to try something new:
The 21 Day Attitude Fix.
Now it’s not that I can’t acknowledge my attitude pops up, as a defense mostly. But nevertheless, it’s an automatic reaction at times. One that affects those around me, so much so that they do not want to be around me. So that’s the main indicator for a change. I mean no harm or unkindness by it or towards anyone but the reality is, it hurts people. And I do not want to lose anyone or push them away. It only does me more harm to hold on to it.
Pray. Release. Heal.
Why is it that the unknown makes us so afraid to keep moving forward? Why is it that we would rather stay in our comfort zone, painful as it may be? It is harder to make a change because we don’t know what that change will bring about. We, as people, need reassuring that we are headed in the right direction. That we are making the right decisions. But we really don’t know, until we know. You won’t know if that relationship will work out, until you go through it. You won’t know if you chose the right career path, until you work in it.
The good thing about life is that, no matter what choices we make, we can always choose a different path. As long as there is still life inside of you, you can change directions. You can heal. You can let go of the past, because you can’t go back that way anyways. And the amount of freedom that comes with moving forward, is far better than that painful, comfortable place. When your heart is aching so badly, that you can’t figure out what’s next… you have to move. You have to decide for yourself what’s next. And guess what, if you’re not happy there, keep going to the next place. No one is holding you back, except for you.
We as women have a problem called comparison. Another one called self-confidence. We have battled with self-love and trying to figure out where we fit in the world. Your story is yours alone, no one else can write it but you and God. You cannot walk someone else’s path, your steps have already been ordered. You cannot live over there. You have to be hungry for another life. Don’t be the person to hold yourself back; sometimes you have to battle your own mind. Get out of your own way. You cannot worry about what others are doing and let fear of who might be better than you stop you from fighting for your dreams. You won’t know what your capable of until you do something! Stop thinking and start moving.
Ever feel like you lose a lot of friends, like God just removes people from your life all the time? Not in a death sense, but one Day you’re friends and then one day you’re not. Nothing major happens, but you seemingly grow apart. Last year, I had what I thought was a close friend and then one day we just weren’t anymore. More recently the same thing happened again. I believe that God placed these people in my life for the season that I was in at the time, when I needed them.
When you meet someone, can you automatically tell if they are seasonal or lifetime? What does that look like? Most of my lifetime friends are people who I have known since childhood. One of them, I met after college but I could never see us just not being friends. But when I met all of them, I did not know if they were seasonal or not. I truly did not even think about. I just offered a genuine friendship and for some people, it stuck. For others, well I don’t know, maybe we just aren’t for each other. No love lost though.
I can say from personal experience, I do seem to have more results when I go to the gym versus when I do home workouts. But I wonder why. I could partly say due to lack of consistency at home. But bigger than that, how is it, if I do the same exercises at home and the gym that I seem to get better results at the gym. Maybe I’m pushing myself more at the gym. Maybe it’s easier to just “stop” or half-ass it at home.
There is a huge convenience factor with working out at home. No waiting to use equipment, no wondering if others are watching, no distractions or intimidation from other people. But there are still distractions at home and it takes a strong willpower to be able to push past distractions at home. It’s a bit more difficult to just sit around being lazy in the gym. The environment just not provide that opportunity.
You ever feel like you’ve tried it all? Diets, fads and all sorts of different things. And then one day, someone says “Just go back to the gym”… pushing you to change your perspective. I used to be so gym faithful and I know that it worked for me. So we will see.. I clearly don’t have it all figured out, but I won’t stop.
How did she get here
In this foreign place
In this lonely space
Unsure of herself
Wondering if she was enough
Or if she cared too much
Better yet, if she was scared too much
Scared that she was in love alone
Scared of ending up alone
But she was already alone
Drowning in her own thoughts
Thinking the worst
Only made her feel worse
But she couldn’t shut her mind up
And she couldn’t talk about it
No one would get it
They just tried to feed her with clichés
Promises of “it’ll be okay”
Talking about “You are the prize”
And it all sounded like lies
She knew she was worthy
But knowing and feeling are two different things.
She was lost
And she knew exactly how she got here
Just not how to leave.
I once knew this woman
She felt untouchable
And so she was
She exuded strength and beauty
She walked with such confidence
Smiled from her soul
She spoke with passion
From her sweet, melodic voice
She could turn heads, that one
Just from entering the room
She never begged for attention
And didn’t need approval
God’s light shined on her
With her spirit, she was so in-tuned
And I swear we shall meet again,
Someday really soon.
Happiness surrounds me
It tries to live in me
But I think it loves others more
It’s visit them more often
I can see it
I can feel it sometimes
It’s in close reach
But fear keeps pushing it out
Doubt doesn’t want it here
There’s a constant battle within
A tug-of-war, if you will
Fear is strong, very strong
Doubt is even stronger
And the two just work hand-in-hand
But my spirit..
My spirit won’t let go
My spirit is chasing happiness
She’s chasing love
She’s chasing life
My spirit is a fighter
And she keeps me going
She keeps me going after the Happiness
That is surrounding me.
I have come a long way and I am not defined by my “attitude.” I have worked hard on the transformations I have made in my life and having a positive energy. My attitude is never unwarranted; you cannot poke at me and expect me to still be roses. I’m not there yet. I can be mellow and it doesn’t mean I have an attitude. And I’m not saying that’s the best way to handle my frustrations or hurt feelings either. One thing I know, if you focus more on trying to pick out my attitude moments than everything else good about me, which do you think you’ll continue to see? I’m not perfect but I’m not a mean-spirited person. Nothing will keep me from continuing to be better. 💕